i never really knew what sadness was, it was until i knew what it was like to feel sincerely happy, out of the world, then i knew what it really meant to be in sorrow. sometimes i imagine the sweetest things, that can happen. things that might seem weird to others, common to some, things like, doing nothing but being in someone's arms staring out into the never-ending sight. with a person who feels me, who's feelings and heart are on the same channel as mine, no chase, there is no fear, just satisfaction and shear security. i know making me happy would be the same as making him happy, because i know myself and he knows me. that we'll then stare into a never-ending sea, signifying a never changing emotion, one that freezes, like a picture captures a moment, love, the way we define it. then he'll tell me slowly with his eyes, as mine are locked onto his, his feelings right then, and we'll embrace it, even if its the last day we could ever love, we'll cry like we feel like, and we wouldnt hide, but project what lies singly in a person, the essence.

i thank God constantly for what i already have, and how blessed i am for having what i already do, honestly, it is sufficient. but i'm sorry and guilty to say, i'm afraid of the ending of whats good and whats given. thats why i always used to pray not for togetherness, but for hapiness for him and myself, cause there always seems to be another side, though a thing might seem as great as it might be. there'll always be an expiry date, you dont know when, but yes an expiry date that will exist.

i better stop being emo. i dont think im making anysense. oh well. i passed out in the train this morning and its not even funny.

im looking forward to the weekend with ya baby.