I'm not as upset as I thought I’d be. Well, least not as long as I thought I’d be. I guess its because it happens too many times already. So okay you think I’m a distraction, and you don’t want me here. Let me make things clear with ya;

1) I am NOT a distraction
2) I am NOT a bad influence
3) I am NOT irresponsible
4) I DON’T use your money
5) I DO HAVE money. I know I’m not as well to do like you but I have money. Really, I do. I DO PLEASE!
6) Checking up on me and my friend is very much NOT appreciated
7) I am NOT like those typical Malays you see on the street pushing a stroller/a pram. Just cause 60% of the Malay community in Singapore are like that, doesn’t mean I’m like that too.
8) I quit my job coz I wasn’t entirely happy. You need to enjoy your job as it’s what you spend the majority of your time doing, no? So what if the economy is not doing so good. I am NOT irresponsible. What have this got to do with you anyways?
9) I have NOT given up on my studies. I am currently saving up to further my studies. So what If I don’t have a degree at the age of 23. There are people in this world who gets a degree, a PHD and whats not at a later age
10) You are wrong about me going back after Easter or after my birthday
11) I would appreciate if you STOP checking up on me. You're like running my life for me. You're NOT my parents. If you think my folks are oblivious to whats happening here/ what I am doin, well, you're wrong. They know that I'm here and they know why I'm here.
12) Yes, my friend visited me in Palmerston North. Is it wrong to visit me? Is it a crime or smth? Does it affect you? It's her money man, her life. Sigh. Anyways, she spent most of her time here with my friends and Jon’s friends. They drove her around NOT Jon. If you had hire a PI, you can ask him if ya don’t believe me that is. Tsk. I really don't want to know how you know when my friend arrived and when she departed. You guys are scary. seriously. i can't believe you went to that extent. you are UNBELIVABLE.
13) I DIDN’T conspire with Jon to lie to ya. By the time I knew that you still hadn’t know abt my temporary re-location, it was too late. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to tell you. I don’t want to destroy the relationship I had with you. Yes, I already did and it’s all my fault. I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do now. I’m sorry okay? Even if I tell you, you will still get angry. Sigh. And I don’t think we can reason with ya. Can we?
14) I use my money, my saving to pay for the tickets, etc to come here. Again, I’m gonna stress that I DIDN’T use your money or Jon’s. My intention to come here is NOT to distract him or influence him or whatever negative things you have said/ may think I am doing/want to do/have done. I think I am quite independent. I do my own stuff here. I don’t bother anyone. I just want some experience. I want to get away. I’ve never really been away for this long. It’s once in a lifetime for goodness sake. Let me enjoy MY life. NOT yours.
15) The reason I chose NZ instead of other countries coz I know some of the people Jon knows too. I don’t bother them. I feel safe knowing that there are people I know here so if anything happens, they can help inform my loved ones.
16) Yes, we went to the fair, the beach. It was on a weekend. It was not even half a day thingy. We went in a group and I just tagged along. Is that wrong? Is it wrong for Jon to take like a just a teeny tiny short break? Seriously guys, cut him some slack pls. Just coz you see me in the photos doesn’t mean I forced him to go to the fair/ beach with me and our friends.
17) I always make sure Jon studies for his tests, finishes his assignments. I have NEVER stopped him from studying please.
18) I’ve been here for more than 6 weeks. i’ve becomed more independent, I appreciate my friends and family back home even more, I roughly know what I want to do when I go back to Singapore. It is really a good break, a good experience, money well spent.
19) I DON’T like the way you judged and blamed me. It is like you’re looking down at the way my parents have brought me up. I think we can talk. I want to call you but I was advised not to as it’ll probably make things worse. Well, I don’t know. I am ready to TALK. Yes, we should talk NOT argue or pin point the nitty gritty stuff on each other or insult/discriminate each other’s race/religion.
20) I am sorry that you cancelled your New Zealand trip because of me. I know you blamed me. You can just come to New Zealand actually. No one is stopping you. I can promise you that we won’t bumped into each other. If you want Jon to meet you wherever other than Palmy, you should have just told him and gone ahead with the plans. I will NEVER stop him. Why would I stopped him? So please stop blaming me abt ya guys not being able to come to NZ. NOT appreciated at all.
21) I know I am in the wrong. I am sorry about everything. I know you won’t forgive me and will never welcome me to your house ever again. It’s okay. Really. I deserve it. I guess I am to be blamed for everything and I accept the blame. I am not as bad as ya think I am. Really.
22) Please stop checking up on me. I can’t take all these anymore. Tell me, when is this gonna end? Will it end if I go back to Singapore? Don’t you think it’s very selfish and unfair for you to tell me to sacrifice what I am doing now when I have spent thousands to come here coz I want some experience. C’mon it’s MY life. I don’t bother you nor do I bother Jon. And its MY money. So can you please just leave me alone. Let me lead my own life.
23) If you think that me going back to SG will make a difference to Jon’s studies and r’ship with you guys, I can tell you that i personally think that it’ll make no difference. No one is stopping him from talking to ya. He hadn't been busy with me. The reason why you're not talking to him is because you’re angry at him. You do know that you can still talk to him right? DON'T blame me. And, it’s really up to me to stay or to leave. Who are you again to me? Please don't stop me from doing what I want. Don’t worry abt his studies. He really have been studying, doing his assignments, attending classes. He have not neglected his studies, NEVER will neglect his studies. Who would be so stupid to do that after spending thousands to come here to study.
24) He will never leave you nor will he ever stopped loving you. I will never tell him to severe ties with you. Family is very important, no? It is to me. I’m a family oriented kinda person myself. I always tell Jon to call/email/ text you. Its really up to him whether he wants to or not. Please stop blaming me just cause he didnt reply to your emails.
25) I don’t know if you read my blog. Maybe you do, maybe ya dont. I don't know. If you still think that I should go back to SG coz whatever I have just said is not very clear to you and doesn’t make any sense, please do not hesitate to call me. You don’t have to email/text/call Jon and tell him to tell me what to do, etc,etc. Call me. i repeat again, C-A-L-L me. Here’s my NZ number: +640210356581. If you think I hadn't/don’t put myself in your shoes, trust me, I have. I know how you feel. I think abt it/reflect abt it everyday, everynight, every minute, every seconds. Okay, i may exaggerate here but yes, I really have put myself in your position. I know how you're feeling. I don’t like to see you and Jon not talking. I do feel bad. Hence I’m apologising. The reason why I am not calling you and want you to call me coz I don’t know if you’re ready to talk.
26) And yes, i am a muslim. So do you have a problem with me being a muslim? Coz ya said you like me coz I'm Jon's choice. Actual fact ya don't really like me coz I'm a muslim. Okay, I am not making any sense here.
27) I'm gonna stop here. I have nothing else to say.

I know ya guys are very disappointed and upset with me. Likewise. Please , please just stop checking up on me, and judging me already. This thingy is stressing me out. I can’t take the stress. I feel like ending my life sometimes thinking about all these. Yes, you guys have succeeded in making me reach that point. I don't feel safe going out alone or with my friends. It's like there's somebody following me around and they will tell you about my wherabouts. It's really really scary.

Call me or something. Please.

-NADIAH-